Ask yourself some questions first.
I am not the friend you go to for relationship advice and it is not because I do not care. I care deeply about people being fulfilled in their relationships. But I don’t have the answers. I honestly think it’s dangerous to go to one person or only to other people for clarity on relationships. The truth is most advice will be pointless if we don’t tap into ourselves first. So, my “advice” often sends people back to themselves. I am sure it is annoying but I am limited to my own understanding and I don’t want to mislead anyone.
My friends joke and say not to ask me anything about relationships because I am going to make you journal and it’s kind of true. I have found it more productive to ask people questions that give them the power to lead themselves to the answers they seek. I like to ask questions like:
“Do you feel this is something you should accept? If so, why?”
“Do they align with your fulfillment or are you changing the definition for the sake of being with them?”
“Sure, there’s no such thing as perfect. But what do you believe you deserve?”
Most of us have had friends who are in a cycle of uncomfortable relationships and seem to tune out all the counsel from you. They don’t listen because there is a voice inside them that is louder than us. Something within them tells them they need to keep that person close or that they deserve the harmful behavior they’re experiencing. This is why I am emphatic about cornering your inner voice and working through things so that you can navigate the world in a healthier way.
And if we are being honest, nearly all of us have been this friend. I know I certainly have.
I always knew the approach I wanted to take when covering relationships on Verbal Tea, but still was hesitant to get to it because it is such a popular topic. The Aquarius in me wanted to do it differently. I crafted this series in a way that everyone can get something from these episodes. This month, as the final series of Season Two, we are exploring Friendship, Romance and Community. We are tackling these topics by looking within ourselves instead of criticizing how everyone else navigates relationships.
Friends are the first people we choose to have in our lives and that also choose us. I also believe that Friendship is the foundation for thriving romantic relationships. If you can’t be a good friend, a romantic relationship will be even more challenging. That is my take, so let me know if you disagree. There is a lot to be said about the power of friendships and how we navigate them. Assessing how we navigate friendships can teach us a lot about ourselves. For many of us, picking up that microscope will highlight how we can afford to be kinder to ourselves.
I have a married couple coming to Verbal Tea to discuss romance because they bring a layer of perspective that I don’t think we get to see too often in these conversations. The couple I have are people who both have voices, respect for one another, are openly vulnerable and honest about their relationship and have a visible, deep love for one another. I have honestly been a fan of their podcast for awhile and was honored they wanted to explore this topic with me.
Community is a topic I want us all to explore more because it is just as important as the other relationships. In times like this, I think it is critical that we explore this and look inward to see how we can improve our contributions and build together. We have quite the future ahead of us no matter what happens this fall where understanding the value of community can be a matter of life and death. I wanted to end the season finale of Season 2 with something that will leave us all thinking and actively trying to improve how we connect with people, so I have a few of my favorite podcasters on to discuss this subject. It will be the largest panel I have ever had in just one episode.
Our need for companionship, fellowship and community is human nature. The quality of our lives largely depend on how we navigate all relationships in our lives, so I don't even want to hear the "I only count on myself." It isn't healthy and none of us exist in a vacuum. If you do feel this way, I hold space for you and hope you write along with us too.
Here are the journal prompts we are reflecting on this month:
Friendship
What does being a friend mean to me?
What makes me a good friend?
How can I be a better friend?
How has my childhood affected how I navigate friendships?
Romance
Besides the physical aspect, how is a romantic relationship different than a platonic friendship?
What has your relationship made you learn about yourself? (Or past relationship if you are single)
Community
How is community different than standard friendship?
How can you better serve your community?
I hope you all are writing along with me. But even if you aren't, I challenge you to initiate these conversations with your friends. Let's really talk about how we connect. If you do write along, please feel free to share your thoughts with me. And of course, tune into u
s every Thursday at 8pm ET for the live episodes or stream every week wherever you stream podcasts.