S3E5-Don't Be Cliche With Your Support

[00:00:07] Hey, welcome to Verbal Tea, the journaling podcast where we focus more on our own inner voices than the voices of those around us.

[00:00:15] Each week we explore topics through journal entries based off of journal prompts that I, your host, Globe, come up with.

[00:00:22] You can see these journal prompts in our monthly blog on the website linked in our show notes.

[00:00:27] The theme for this month has been our Conquer and Comfort series where we explore things that we have overcome as well as healthy ways that we comfort ourselves and protect ourselves.

[00:00:40] Last week we spoke with Dominion about his letter to his younger self as he is a survivor of domestic violence at the young age of 14 years old.

[00:00:52] The last episode he read us the letter he wrote to his younger self and it is so encouraging and so beautiful.

[00:01:01] Well, we went a little deeper in the conversation and today is part two of that conversation where we discuss some things that are important to understand about survivors and some better ways to support them.

[00:01:14] I hope you stay tuned to this. I hope you are up to the challenge that he proposes for all of us.

[00:01:20] I personally am taking this challenge to heart and going ahead and doing it.

[00:01:26] So I hope you guys stay tuned and listen to this and be well.

[00:01:30] I have been honored to have an amazing guest who is a survivor, an advocate, and a fellow podcaster.

[00:01:39] This is my podcast family.

[00:01:42] They have their own podcast called Decree of Dominion where they explore all kinds of topics and they go deep.

[00:01:49] They go to the dark side.

[00:01:50] They go to the spiritual side.

[00:01:52] And there are so many calls of action that help you feel empowered and take your healing journey to the next level.

[00:01:59] I am so excited to have this guest with me.

[00:02:02] Let's introduce Dominion.

[00:02:06] Hello, everyone.

[00:02:07] Hello, Tea Lights.

[00:02:09] Welcome.

[00:02:10] I'm pleased to be a returning member of the Verbal Tea with Globe.

[00:02:16] How are you all today?

[00:02:19] We're well.

[00:02:20] If you want to give it like a pause, like Dora the Explorer.

[00:02:22] What's your favorite part?

[00:02:25] What's your favorite thing?

[00:02:27] I like that part too.

[00:02:30] Well, awesome.

[00:02:31] And so, yes, I'm Dominion, founder of Decree of Dominion Podcast.

[00:02:36] We specialize in highlighting domestic violence survivors, mental health, dating relationships, and going into 2025, starting a new series on the light versus the dark and spirituality.

[00:02:52] So, that's a little bit about us.

[00:02:56] Oh, yes.

[00:02:57] He, okay, you guys.

[00:02:58] I don't want to gush too hard, but this is the concept king, okay?

[00:03:03] He'll come up with the dopest concept and the most creative, catchy title for it.

[00:03:09] And then just the Black Garden Series, you guys.

[00:03:14] If you are done listening to low vibrational, yes, I said it, low vibrational relationship discussions, and you want to hear something that actually has depth and can help you get clarity, inspiration, and empowerment, listen to the Black Garden Series.

[00:03:28] Okay?

[00:03:29] It's on Spotify, wherever you stream things.

[00:03:32] I'm on there too.

[00:03:33] It is so good though.

[00:03:35] Like he talks to all kinds of different people, professionals, couples.

[00:03:40] It's okay.

[00:03:41] That's enough.

[00:03:42] Enough of the gush fest.

[00:03:43] Anything you'd like to add before we get into the topic?

[00:03:46] Oh, yes.

[00:03:47] I just would like to encourage all the tea lights to decree the dominion of your mind and reveal the true light that shines.

[00:03:54] I'm just excited to get started.

[00:03:56] What is something that you wish more people understood about mental health and domestic violence and just survivors?

[00:04:05] What do you wish more people understood about them?

[00:04:07] I would say first, especially when children are involved, I wish people would understand the mindset of a survivor.

[00:04:17] And when I say survivor, I'm not just including the partner that was involved or that was harmed.

[00:04:23] The children and the family of both parties.

[00:04:26] Are also survivors.

[00:04:28] Because again, especially when it's marriage and kids involved, both families survive that.

[00:04:36] Whether it's the abuser or whether it's the survivor that survived the actual attack.

[00:04:43] We have to understand the mindsets of all parties involved.

[00:04:49] I think that's one thing that gets misconstrued.

[00:04:53] Even if the children are really young and didn't even witness it, speak to the children about having them there.

[00:05:00] You got to think those are families that have been torn apart in a sense.

[00:05:05] You know, from my perspective, my parents are married 14 years before that happened.

[00:05:11] So you have to think, from my perspective, you know, everything was a two-parent household.

[00:05:16] You know, go to church every Sunday.

[00:05:19] Go to grandma's house Sunday after church for dinner.

[00:05:22] You know, go to school Monday, due Friday.

[00:05:24] You know, so the whole, like, dynamic of just not having one of the parents was never introduced to me.

[00:05:32] So you have to, again, back when we were talking about grace, show those people grace.

[00:05:37] You know, same thing with the parents of the abuser and the survivor.

[00:05:46] Show the parents grace.

[00:05:48] Again, everybody that, you know, raises a son, you know, you know, especially anybody that's listening, all the tea lights that have children.

[00:05:58] You don't raise your kids to be abusers, right?

[00:06:02] Like, you're not, I don't think there's any mom that's like, yep, my son's going to beat his wife when he grows up and he's going to almost kill her.

[00:06:10] You know, that's not, you know, that's not the agenda for parents when you go to the hospital and cut that umbilical cord and hold that newborn baby for the first time.

[00:06:19] At least I'd hope not.

[00:06:21] Same thing with the survivor.

[00:06:24] You know, you don't, you know, we don't have kids and say, oh, my daughter's going to get her butt, you know, get her get beat up, you know, when she gets married.

[00:06:33] Right.

[00:06:33] And so we have to show the parents of those parties grace as well.

[00:06:39] Another thing that people don't know or I wish people knew about was stop bashing after the fact on both sides.

[00:06:52] And what I mean by that is going back to the families, what the abuser, the action of the abuser don't punish their parents and their children and the family for it.

[00:07:05] A lot of times and then vice versa, don't bash the surviving family and the survivor of the attack.

[00:07:13] A lot of times we out of anger and out of emotion.

[00:07:17] Oh, you know, he didn't even hit, you know, we kind of justify the abuser.

[00:07:21] Right.

[00:07:21] Oh, he didn't hit you that hard or, you know, he's a good.

[00:07:25] We always see even with like mass shootings and stuff.

[00:07:28] Oh, he was a good boy.

[00:07:29] We have to stop the bashing of the surviving parties, but we also have to stop the gentrification of, you know, and castrating and exiling out the abuser side as well.

[00:07:47] You know, you know, again, because even though the abuser did that act, you know, their mother still has a heart, you know, again, like I mentioned, they didn't wake up and find out they're pregnant and be like, yep, he's going to beat his wife.

[00:08:01] As soon as they find out they're having a boy.

[00:08:03] Yep.

[00:08:03] He's going to, you know, he's going to kill somebody one day.

[00:08:06] You know, nobody, no parent has that going through their mind, you know, when they're raising their kids.

[00:08:11] And so ask them how they're doing, you know, have grace for both parties and, you know, have those hard conversations to gain healing.

[00:08:22] Another one is just with on the mental health side of things, actually care about people's mental health and don't be cliche.

[00:08:32] One word I always say I hate is the word sorry.

[00:08:37] I'm so sorry.

[00:08:39] I think that's just a word that we is.

[00:08:41] And it's not like a personal attack on the person.

[00:08:45] It's just as society, that's just a word that we just reconcile with grief or loss or any, you know, bad act.

[00:08:54] If you cut your finger and, you know, you have to get 10 stitches or your hand gets amputated, we say, I'm sorry for your loss.

[00:09:02] Somebody dies in the family.

[00:09:03] We just say, I'm sorry for your loss.

[00:09:05] If somebody gets a car accident, I'm praying for your recovery.

[00:09:10] I'm sorry for your loss of, you know, hope you feel better.

[00:09:17] Have harder, more difficult conversations.

[00:09:20] I would say that helped me out a lot, you know, especially when I was younger, having those harder conversations with the counselors at the school or it wasn't just are you OK?

[00:09:33] I wish.

[00:09:34] I wish one thing I would say, I wish people acknowledge that people are not OK.

[00:09:37] That's one thing with mental health and domestic violence.

[00:09:41] If, you know, if somebody's both their parents is that in a car accident and you it's the it's the day after and you're in the hospital and you come up to them or maybe they took a week off work and they come back to work their first day.

[00:09:56] And, you know, their parents died in a car accident.

[00:09:59] Don't say don't come up to their desk at work.

[00:10:02] Just checking on you.

[00:10:03] Are you all right?

[00:10:04] Obviously, they're not all right.

[00:10:07] You know, I encourage and like I also challenge the T-Lights that are listening viewing to have an extended vocabulary when it comes to asking questions.

[00:10:19] Again, not just the cliches of are you OK?

[00:10:23] Do you need anything?

[00:10:26] Sometimes it's just just observe people and do.

[00:10:31] I would encourage.

[00:10:32] So, like, if it's somebody really close to if it's your best friend and, you know, they love Starburst, just throw a nice like I know it's journey journaling podcast.

[00:10:43] Write a nice note and just throw a king size bag of Starburst and just hear.

[00:10:49] And just, you know, sometimes you don't have to say anything.

[00:10:52] Just I know this is your favorite candy here.

[00:10:57] Even if they don't even, you know, it's just a lot of the time.

[00:11:00] It's just the thought that counts or the gesture.

[00:11:04] A lot of times people, you know, when we go through mental health or domestic violence, we're lost for words.

[00:11:10] There's words at that time.

[00:11:12] There's not words that can explain the feelings or the emotion.

[00:11:16] So, again, that's where the journaling comes up.

[00:11:19] You know, write them a letter, send it to them in the mail.

[00:11:21] You know, drop a package off at their doorstep.

[00:11:27] Again, the people closest to you kind of a lot of times we want to know people until it's time to know people.

[00:11:36] Again, we want to know people until it's time to know people when everything's good, when it's time to go to the club, go to the bar.

[00:11:42] You know, you know your best friend's favorite drink.

[00:11:45] You know, they get the wings with a side of blue cheese, you know, all that stuff.

[00:11:50] But then when they're hurting or something happens or if they took their own life or if they threaten to take their own life, then now you don't all of a sudden don't know them.

[00:11:59] So if you have like a best friend that's went through domestic violence, you know, maybe you know that.

[00:12:07] But and then maybe they invite you to your house, maybe you're especially with family to maybe that's your sister that went through it.

[00:12:15] Well, if you notice that, you know, oh, there's a light bulb out in the bathroom.

[00:12:20] Go buy some light bulbs.

[00:12:21] Just change the light bulb for them, you know.

[00:12:25] And, you know, life's not all about money, but if you know it's close to rent time, you know, collect some money, you know, put two hundred dollars on their counter.

[00:12:34] Just, you know.

[00:12:37] Hey, here's to, you know, here's a gift of here's a gift.

[00:12:41] And it doesn't always have to be money, but, you know, just for example, like, hey, here's, you know, a gift offering just out of love, you know, no.

[00:12:50] And then don't and don't give and hold grudges.

[00:12:54] That's another thing.

[00:12:55] Don't.

[00:12:55] Yeah.

[00:12:56] And, you know, 10 years down the road, don't say, yeah, I remember when you got beat up by your husband or your husband almost killed.

[00:13:03] And I gave you that two hundred dollars, you know, give with grace.

[00:13:07] You know, don't be a don't be an Indian giver.

[00:13:10] They used to always say that in school.

[00:13:12] Don't be an Indian giver, which means like just like don't expect something in return.

[00:13:17] And what I mean by that is we get all go through different things.

[00:13:21] So don't expect the same thing when you go through something.

[00:13:26] I think a lot of times we have transactional relationships and friendships.

[00:13:31] And we think, well, if I.

[00:13:35] Oh, they just, you know, their husband just hit him in the face.

[00:13:38] If I give him one hundred dollars and bring him dinner, you know, when my tire goes flat, they're going to drop everything and come, you know, buy me a brand new hundred dollar tire.

[00:13:48] You know, stop. You know, we have to stop thinking like that when it comes to our family, our friendships and our relationships.

[00:13:58] All three phases. We have to again, it's one family, one team, one success.

[00:14:04] And so especially when children are involved, you want to do that as well.

[00:14:09] Another thing I would say, get educated, get educated on mental health, domestic violence.

[00:14:17] There's tons of resources. It didn't have to just be counselors and therapists.

[00:14:22] Get educated on yourself and truly get to know your people, whether it's family, friends.

[00:14:29] Again, I don't call myself.

[00:14:33] And again, it's a I want to preface that by saying back to what Glove said way earlier when I gave my first testimony on my letter.

[00:14:41] Show each other grace. Again, this is a daily. It's not something that's going to happen tomorrow when you wake up.

[00:14:48] It's a daily thing. I'm still, you know, getting to know family members and people I call family myself.

[00:14:53] You know, it's not a I'm going to call up, you know, Judy and I'm going to know every little thing about her life in our phone call.

[00:15:02] And then, boom, we're good. You know, it's going to be, you know, at the daily.

[00:15:06] It's a weekly and it's not an everyday thing. You know, you're not going to be able to talk to Judy on Judy every single day for an hour.

[00:15:14] But, you know, every time you see on Judy or talk to on Judy, you know, you're going to be able to, you know, learn something new about Judy.

[00:15:24] So then and that goes back to, again, what I said, have important conversations.

[00:15:28] Don't just do the cliche. Hey, how are you doing?

[00:15:33] And I'm going to, you know, do you need anything?

[00:15:35] You know, ask. I always try to ask.

[00:15:39] I've been doing this. Not new. I even do it with coworkers.

[00:15:42] Ask a challenging question every week.

[00:15:45] Just pick one day of the week that you're free or that you don't have as much to do.

[00:15:50] And just pick one coworker. It doesn't have to be everybody in the office.

[00:15:54] Pick one coworker that you either work close with or that you talk to on a daily basis or pick pick a family member that you kind of talk to frequently or friend.

[00:16:06] Ask one difficult question.

[00:16:08] That's different.

[00:16:11] So one one question I've been asking is if you could, let's say, especially if you know their age.

[00:16:17] Hey, one thing you could tell yourself in your early 20s, what would it be?

[00:16:21] One piece of advice. Get people thinking.

[00:16:24] Get their mind turning, especially with family.

[00:16:28] If you got a if your grandparents are still living, ask your even with my cooking.

[00:16:34] You know, my grandparents gave me so my grandmother.

[00:16:38] She taught me how to cook when I was six years old.

[00:16:40] She's just giving me so much knowledge on just cooking.

[00:16:43] It's just simple things like that on mental health.

[00:16:47] Like, hey, grandma, when you were my age, you know what?

[00:16:51] You know what helped you? What helped get you through life when you were my age?

[00:16:55] Now that you're, you know, grown into a wonderful woman of God or wonderful, wise woman.

[00:17:02] You know, what's something you would tell somebody in their early 20s, early 30s?

[00:17:06] What's one thing you did when you bought your first house?

[00:17:10] You know, if your grandparents are married, been married for years,

[00:17:13] what's one thing you and grandpa did when you first got married?

[00:17:16] You know, ask those hard questions and get to know your people, get to know your folks.

[00:17:21] I like that.

[00:17:22] I really like how you said when you're trying to support people to be actionable.

[00:17:28] Don't necessarily just be inquisitive with the general.

[00:17:31] Hey, how you holding up?

[00:17:33] How you doing?

[00:17:34] Just do something.

[00:17:35] Do something.

[00:17:37] Speak to that need by putting an action there so they can receive something from you

[00:17:41] and know that you're thinking about them.

[00:17:43] Those are the most memorable moments for me in my lowest times

[00:17:47] are when people would just send me a meme.

[00:17:50] Or one time I had a friend just send me a voice clip of them playing the saxophone,

[00:17:58] just playing something for me because I love jazz.

[00:18:00] And when I was going through postpartum depression and it was just so random,

[00:18:05] but, you know, I was posting, you could tell it was dark,

[00:18:07] and they just sent me them playing the saxophone.

[00:18:11] And that was just, it just warmed my heart because it's like you didn't have to do that.

[00:18:15] You could have just asked the cliche questions, but you actually did something

[00:18:18] that speaks to the fact that you see me and you want to give whatever you can.

[00:18:24] But I do think a lot of us are cliche when it comes to mental health.

[00:18:27] We're like, hey, it's Wellness Wednesday.

[00:18:28] How you feeling?

[00:18:29] How you holding up?

[00:18:30] And I'm guilty of that as well.

[00:18:32] But I can say the most rewarding times is when I actually am giving something to someone

[00:18:38] or asking them a difficult question.

[00:18:40] Like, hey, my favorite is, what?

[00:18:44] If today is the color, what color would it be and why?

[00:18:46] And then just getting into the details of their day.

[00:18:49] Because if you ask someone how they're doing, they'll say, okay, or fine, or good.

[00:18:54] But if you ask that now, that they'll go ahead and give you details of their day.

[00:18:58] And then you get to learn more about what's going on in their lives.

[00:19:02] Especially for me as someone who can't talk to people nonstop,

[00:19:07] I have to make sure it can make it count.

[00:19:09] And so I'll send them to me where we're like, hey, what do you think about this?

[00:19:13] Or just an icebreaker.

[00:19:15] Like, we use icebreakers for strangers, but they are really effective

[00:19:19] when you're reaching out to someone.

[00:19:22] Because it shows that you really are just trying to connect with them

[00:19:25] instead of just going, hey, how you doing?

[00:19:28] Especially if you're doing terrible.

[00:19:31] I am doing better at being honest with people.

[00:19:34] But sometimes if I'm not doing that good, I don't want to burden people.

[00:19:38] So I'm just going to say I'm doing all right.

[00:19:40] And now, you know, that opportunity has been missed for them to support me.

[00:19:44] And although the responsibility falls on me as well,

[00:19:47] I'm sure if the conversation was a little more fluid and personable,

[00:19:52] we may have gotten there because I may have felt safer to express that.

[00:19:58] Right, right.

[00:19:59] And then, again, like I said, it's getting to know people on that harder level.

[00:20:05] Again, it's to the point where, you know, you'll notice some people you can like look at like physical cues.

[00:20:12] Like your face, you know, the look on your face is like, yeah, you know, something's off.

[00:20:17] Or your body posture, your body language is off.

[00:20:23] But again, having that, I love that color question you asked or, you know, having those deep questions.

[00:20:30] Get people talking without getting them talking.

[00:20:32] Again, especially when they're going through domestic violence or traumatic event.

[00:20:37] Don't just ask, what happened?

[00:20:38] I hate all that story.

[00:20:40] It's I'm sorry.

[00:20:41] Or what happened?

[00:20:43] Or, oh, my goodness, are you OK?

[00:20:44] Or, you know, instead just ask, you know, what is, you know, what's been the best part of your day?

[00:20:53] What's been the worst part of your day?

[00:20:55] Well, you know, my husband actually got in a car accident on the way home from work yesterday.

[00:21:00] And then they might even break down crying and say, and that's, you know, maybe just give him a hug or, you know, let him know you're there.

[00:21:08] And just like, you know, I really, you know, they might just say, thank you.

[00:21:11] I really need that, you know, give him a little tissue.

[00:21:13] And, you know, again, if it's your best friend or somebody, you know, go get that Dairy Queen Blizzard or go get that king size starburst.

[00:21:22] And, you know, hey, here's, you know, here's some starburst, here's some tissue.

[00:21:27] I'm here if you need me.

[00:21:29] And that's it.

[00:21:29] You know, it doesn't have to be a whole lot of times we watch too many TV shows and think it just has to be a whole thing of, you know,

[00:21:38] I'm just going to sit here for eight hours and watch you cry and, you know, let you dump your whole life story on me.

[00:21:44] And I think that scares a lot of people from being supportive.

[00:21:49] We think that we have to just because somebody breaks down or, you know, lets me know they're feeling bad or opens up to me.

[00:21:57] You know, we think that we have to just sit there for 12 hours and sit with sitting them with their house on the couch and hold them for eight hours.

[00:22:05] And, you know, try to, you know, be Sherlock Holmes and be a detective and get to the bottom of their life story and be a therapist.

[00:22:13] Sometimes it's literally just, you know, God's got you.

[00:22:17] I'm here if you need.

[00:22:17] Maybe it's just words of encouragement.

[00:22:19] Again, like verbal tea with the journaling.

[00:22:23] Use that, you know, write a letter.

[00:22:25] You know, and it doesn't even have to be like going to the mail or anything.

[00:22:28] Just type up something on your phone.

[00:22:31] You know, we all use text for the wrong reasons.

[00:22:34] You know, we always send in funny memes or, again, the saxophone.

[00:22:38] That's a good, another good one.

[00:22:40] And just maybe their favorite music is jazz.

[00:22:43] You know, send them a riff of, you know, Marcus Miller, you know, Marcus Miller.

[00:22:49] Send them like a new jazz song that you heard and just, you know, share the link with them so they can click it on YouTube.

[00:22:56] And they'll just hear them play or send them words of encouragement.

[00:23:01] You know, send them a little journal entry that you wrote, you know, explaining how they're feeling or how you, you know, from your perspective.

[00:23:08] A lot of things we have to do is like gain more perspective.

[00:23:13] Maybe, you know, especially with family and close friends.

[00:23:16] It's maybe write a journal entry on what it's like seeing them hurt from your perspective.

[00:23:23] You know, hey, I'm your sister.

[00:23:24] Hey, big sis.

[00:23:26] Hey, little sis.

[00:23:26] Just, you know, write a little short journal entry or a short, you know, letter to them and just, you know, say, hey, I hate seeing you like this.

[00:23:35] And, you know, this is how it feels to see you hurt.

[00:23:38] You know, I'm here if you need me.

[00:23:40] And then that's it.

[00:23:42] Yeah, I think in that honesty, too, because sometimes you don't know what to do, you know, and it's okay to say that.

[00:23:49] Say, I care so much about you and I just want to support you in any way.

[00:23:53] I'll give them the whole list.

[00:23:54] I'm like, you want some food?

[00:23:56] You want some memes?

[00:23:57] What do you want?

[00:23:58] Because I don't know what to give you, but I want to give you something.

[00:24:03] And it's so hard for them to ask sometimes when you just give that open or answer, when you give them that open-ended, anything you need?

[00:24:10] What do you need from me?

[00:24:11] So I'll try to give them, like, if I'm at a loss, I'll try to give them, you know, specifics.

[00:24:17] Like, you want some memes?

[00:24:19] You want some food?

[00:24:20] You want some sushi?

[00:24:21] Like, let's tell me how to support you.

[00:24:25] And these are some of, like, here are my brainstorming ideas.

[00:24:28] Do any of those sound good?

[00:24:30] I think some people are afraid to be empty-handed because they don't know what to give.

[00:24:38] Brainstorm.

[00:24:38] Show them that you're brainstorming.

[00:24:40] Show them that you are on their mind and you want to do something.

[00:24:45] And if you know them really well, just do it.

[00:24:48] Like, my husband, I work from home.

[00:24:50] And sometimes he's here, and if I'm having a bad day, I don't really have to tell him.

[00:24:56] He can tell by how I walk somehow.

[00:24:59] And I'll just sit on the couch during my break or my lunch, and he'll put on my favorite show.

[00:25:04] He'll put on my favorite show, tell me he has ordered lunch for me.

[00:25:09] And I don't really even have to decompress about the day.

[00:25:12] Like, he just already knows that I'm having a bad day and just automatically does that.

[00:25:17] And same for him.

[00:25:18] I can tell if, like, things are rough for him.

[00:25:21] You know, I might go get some Chinese or make his favorite meal and put on his favorite show.

[00:25:27] Like, simple things.

[00:25:29] Like, it could be as simple as that.

[00:25:33] But I really like this segment on what to understand about survivors and how to support them.

[00:25:41] Because a lot of this month we've been covering how to support ourselves.

[00:25:45] And supporting ourselves is very important.

[00:25:48] We need to speak our feelings out loud and have those hard conversations.

[00:25:52] But as a community and friends and resources for survivors, we need to make sure we're being resources.

[00:26:00] And pouring into them.

[00:26:02] It is, being a survivor is a very vulnerable state.

[00:26:07] It's a very vulnerable position.

[00:26:09] And you don't want people to just look at you as a victim.

[00:26:11] So sometimes it's hard to express or articulate what you need from people.

[00:26:16] So as a supporter of survivors, you got to kind of take some initiative.

[00:26:21] Take some initiative and really, really just rewind this podcast and listen to what Dominion said.

[00:26:28] Because there are so many actionable, realistic ways that you can pour into someone.

[00:26:34] And those things live with you.

[00:26:37] You know, that king-sized starburst, that little love letter, it lives with you.

[00:26:41] It truly does.

[00:26:42] Like, you don't forget about those moments.

[00:26:45] So those are things that you can do to pour into others who are surviving something.

[00:26:49] And you can see it.

[00:26:54] Wow.

[00:26:56] This has been an amazing conversation.

[00:26:59] I did.

[00:27:00] You were so, I don't want to say preachy.

[00:27:02] But, like, you've got, you are just, you have so many convictions.

[00:27:08] And you deliver them so well.

[00:27:10] And you always give people something very actionable.

[00:27:13] So I'm going to introduce our last segment of the show called Something to Sip On.

[00:27:27] Now, I'm going to keep this a little broad.

[00:27:29] I want you to go ahead and just share with the tea lights, just a diamond for them to take with them when it comes to domestic violence awareness and mental health awareness.

[00:27:40] What's something you'd like them to sip on this week?

[00:27:43] Yes.

[00:27:44] First thing I would say is think about somebody in your life that has suffered from, survived from domestic violence or someone that, you know, maybe they're currently going through domestic violence.

[00:27:59] And I encourage you to reach out with them.

[00:28:01] Pick one thing that you know is their favorite, whether it's a family member, whether it's a best friend, whether it's a coworker.

[00:28:08] You know, if they love coffee, you know, buy them some Starbucks.

[00:28:11] If they love Starburst, you know, get them the Starburst.

[00:28:15] I know they got the shareable bag of Lifesavers now, two for five dollars at Dollar General.

[00:28:20] That's not I'm not we're not sponsored by Dollar General, by the way, but that's free.

[00:28:26] You know, actually begin to care about people, care about their story.

[00:28:32] Everybody's story matters.

[00:28:33] They don't have to it doesn't have to be as, you know, morbid as, you know, almost losing your life.

[00:28:41] It could just be as simple as, you know, 10 years ago, my husband slapped me.

[00:28:45] And so we got a divorce and, you know, I've been scared to love ever since.

[00:28:51] Those you know, everybody has a family member like that.

[00:28:53] You know, check on them, care for them.

[00:28:58] Their story matters just as it is for someone that, you know, was, you know, lost their life to domestic violence.

[00:29:06] It's not a, you know, whether whatever side of this spectrum you are on with domestic violence and surviving, whether you lost loved ones or whether they're still alive today.

[00:29:19] You know, be there for each other.

[00:29:21] Another thing is look in the mirror and really look at your own mental health and really show yourself grace.

[00:29:33] Show yourself grace.

[00:29:58] Show yourself grace.

[00:30:11] Show yourself grace.

[00:30:12] Show yourself grace.

[00:30:12] And so I wanted to see the truth in my life.

[00:30:14] That I want you to do the thing.

[00:30:16] Yeah.

[00:30:16] So I wanted to make sure you're going through, you know, you know, I want it to be like, dude, I want you to do it, and just take them to sleep.

[00:30:23] You know, remember back then you went through that, you know.

[00:30:27] I wasn't the best friend back then, and I just want to make sure we're good.

[00:30:31] and then move on from it. And then, you know, sit down and get to know each other more.

[00:30:38] If you're in a relationship and your spouse or your partner is a survivor of domestic violence

[00:30:45] in a past relationship, sit down and talk about that, address that, especially if you're not

[00:30:50] married and you're planning on getting married, or even if you're already married, you know,

[00:30:55] talk about, we always say don't talk about exes. You're not talking about the ex, you're talking

[00:31:00] about the action. Sit down and actually talk about what they went through and speak from a place of

[00:31:08] grace and this place of empathy and compassion and really, really want to understand the mindset of

[00:31:16] your spouse or your partner. Again, ask them, you know, from that place, you know, what got you,

[00:31:24] what brought you back into the light and what got you out of that dark place when that happened.

[00:31:28] Those are the questions you need to ask, especially if you're thinking about marrying

[00:31:32] or you're in a relationship with someone. Same thing with family. You know, if it was your sister

[00:31:38] or brother or whoever, best friend, you know, ask them, you know, how did you get out of that dark

[00:31:44] place? Some maybe, you know, honestly, you know, to the tea lights, just to be honest, some of them,

[00:31:50] the reason why this episode is going to hit so hard is because they're probably still in that

[00:31:53] dark place right now. And so your actionable tips to sip on, and you might need a double shot of

[00:32:01] espresso with this tea, but you might need some extra strong black tea leaves too. But really,

[00:32:09] again, sit down with them this week, book a time, even if it's not this week, book a time,

[00:32:14] just give them a call and say, Hey, next week, you know, when's some time that we can meet up,

[00:32:19] you know, and it doesn't have to be for lunch or anything. When's some time we can meet up and just

[00:32:22] have a conversation and really get down to the, you know, dive deep into the dark part of their mind,

[00:32:29] really pick their brain and really encourage them to get out of that dark place. And so that's all I

[00:32:35] have. Thank you so very much. I'm going to do that this week as well. I'm actually going to do the

[00:32:43] challenge as the tea light host. But before we go, if you guys want to, I know you guys are going to

[00:32:51] want to hear more of what he has to say, because this is what he covers consistently on his platform.

[00:32:57] So I'm going to allow him to tell you guys where to find him.

[00:33:01] Awesome. And so the Career Dominion podcast, you can find on Spotify, RSS, iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts,

[00:33:08] and RSS to YouTube as well. Facebook page at Decree Dominion podcast on Facebook. Again,

[00:33:18] we're getting close to our yearly goal of 500 followers. So I think we're like 486 right now.

[00:33:25] So getting real close to that. I'm also on Instagram at Decree Dominion 24 and at TikTok at DarkLawDominion96.

[00:33:33] And so go ahead and give us a follow. Again, we have DarkLawDominion Mental Health Series episode 17

[00:33:43] going to be dropping in the next few weeks. Episode 16 drops next Wednesday at 3 p.m.

[00:33:49] We also have Black Garden, like we mentioned earlier, that came out September 20th last month. So

[00:33:56] actually one month anniversary for having that out today that I just looked. So go ahead and check

[00:34:02] that out. It's 22 episodes of greatness. And so really, I'm excited to expand on the dating

[00:34:12] relationship side of mental health. And then again, 2025, the new Spiritual Warfare series will be

[00:34:23] dropping. So T-Lite, stay tuned from that. So go ahead and follow those Facebook pages. Go ahead,

[00:34:29] follow Spotify, and then be looking out for that trailer to drop for that new series.

[00:34:35] Thank you so much, Dominion. And as always, you know, you can stay in touch with us at Verbal Tea Time

[00:34:42] on Instagram and TikTok and Verbal Tea wherever you stream your podcasts, including YouTube.

[00:34:48] And as always, you guys, focus on thriving instead of surviving. Spend intentional time with

[00:34:55] your thoughts and be well.